As we pace steadily into the age of computers and technology, it is easy for us to forget about the non-technical advancements and inventions that have made everyday living much simpler for humans over the past 100 years.  We seem to turn our attention toward items such as the personal computer and web-accessible cellular phones, while we forget about past advancements such as the spork and the peephole.  In all of our haste to keep up with the latest in technology, many other unheard-of inventions have fallen by the wayside, only to turn up later on satirical websites dedicated to absurdity; we must at least give these inventions a chance.  A gala of brilliant inventors recently gathered to share their creations – some on the market, some not – with one another, and these are the emanations that resulted.  (Inventors’ names have been kept confidential for reasons of personal privacy.)

UK Patent Application No. GB2267208:  Portable seat that is attached to waist-belt for easy on the go sitting.  Can be adjusted to fit individual tastes.
The good news, you can wear it even when you’re not sitting.

UK Patent Application No. GB2272154: Miniature ladder that allows spiders to conveniently climb down out of a bath, constructed of a thin latex strip that runs along the inner contours of the bath.  The ladder is attached using a tiny suction.  Spiders could not be reached for comment.

UK Patent Application No. GB2060081: Horse-powered minibus.  Horse walks – or gallops if necessary – along conveyor belt in middle of bus, which propels the wheels to move the bus.  Driver can signal to the horse using a handle.
Horses also could not be reached for comment.

US Patent No. US4429685:  Unicorn growing method.  Surgical alteration of one-week old goat allows horn buds to grow together.  It is said to create a unicorn of superior intelligence and physical prowess, and has suggested usage as a guard animal.
Next on the list: cloning of the three Sirens for use in airport security.

French Application No. FR2640864: Whole body prophylactic wrapper.  Constructed out of transparent PVC materials, protects against sexually transmitted diseases.
Safe sex made easy, looks like the French did it again.

UK Patent No. GB1361962:  Solution to conflict among world’s superpowers  Earth-orbiting satellites equipped with three nuclear bombs, which, when it is detected that one of the superpowers has been nuked by another, automatically drops one of each of these on Washington, Moscow, and Peking to guarantee mutual destruction.
Thank you Dr. Evil.

UK Patent Application No. GB2172200:  Umbrella worn on the head.  Support frame strategically structured so as to keep hair in presentable fashion.
Goes well with portable waist-belt seat.

Note: These inventions are all real, and this article does not intend, by any means, to take away from the brilliance and colossal human resourcefulness displayed within the realms of devotion and sacrifice that have been invested into this science of creation.